Category: Just Me

My Brain Is Structurally Sound

Hey everyone it’s been a long time since I posted anything and for that I’m very sorry. Things have been very chaotic for the last few months. I took on a new job which has kept me very busy but is one of the most incredible career moves I have ever made. (I’ll talk more about that another time.) This post is about explaining what has happened over the last few months for me medically.

As some of you might know I was diagnosed with early stage vascular dementia. This was after multiple tests including MRIs, CT scans, and other intelligence and memory testing. Multiple doctors had agreed that it was the correct diagnosis. So I started planning for the day that I would not remember anything in my life anymore. Some things were hard to think about:

  1. How would my family feel when I couldn’t remember them.
  2. What kind of home would they put me in?
  3. Would I forget which food I hate and end up having to eat it because I couldn’t remember that I hated it? (Peas….icky, squishy, balls of goo)
  4. What kind of adult diapers are the best and who would change them?
  5. How will I remember all my passwords when I barely remember them now.
  6. Will the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup before I lose my memory? Then they did and I wondered how I could try to remember it.
  7. Would my family keep me at home and make me one of those tapes like Drew Barrymore’s character had in Fifty First Dates. (Answer was no because VCRs are no longer around)

Then came the best day! I was seen by the top neurologists at a world renowned University who reviewed all of my tests and decided that my brain was fine. OK they didn’t say fine, they said it was “structurally sound”. Turns out I’m too type-A and that I take on so much that my brain just can’t keep up. Their advice to me was to slow down, stop worrying about everyone/everything, and try to relax. Ha Ha! My parents labeled me the Cruise Director** when I was young and it’s a fitting title. So this was like asking me to stop breathing but I agreed to try.

**Hopefully you know what a cruise director is, if not then think of Julie from the show Love Boat. If you don’t know who that is or the show this might not be the blog for you. Better yet look it up and watch some episodes especially the ones with Charro.

So, what kind of changes did I make? Well, I continued working on my MBA, started a new job (as I said before) and most importantly tried to stop running everyone/everything. Tried as in it lasted 2-3 weeks then I just couldn’t take it. So as you might have guessed I changed nothing. It’s hard to change when you’ve been the same way for so long, but at the age of 47 I am not sure I want to change. There are so many things in my life that give me joy like singing in the car at the top of my lungs, talking to my children and grandchildren, binge watching shows with my husband, and making sure I am informed about my parents physical well-being. (Only child paranoia.)

There is no sense in trying to change when I just don’t want to, plus I like my life messy especially because I Don’t Mop!

(Originally posted to Facebook on December 23, 2018)

1992’s Best Movie!

With everything going on in my brain I am feeling nostalgic so this post is because of that.  I hope you will enjoy my trip down memory lane (at least what I can remember of it or have found thanks to the internet).

Recently I met one of my oldest friends (No that does not mean she is old…just that we have known each other for a long time.  Seriously we are not old…so stop thinking that please!!) to see a movie we must have seen at least 10 times when we were younger.  It is a movie full of timeless quotes and great music.  So you are wondering…what is it??  Well I am going to talk about it and at the end, I will let you know but for now, you are going to have to wait. (Don’t slide to the end of the post and look…that is cheating and we all know what happens to cheaters…actually I don’t but maybe someone can enlighten me.)

This movie was a major hit in 1992 (yes that was 25 years ago but it still holds up).  If you are over 40 you might remember it as the year Ross Perot announced he was going to run for President. (anyone remember his co-runner?  Admiral James Stockdale.  The man that started his opening statement at the vice presidential debate with “Who am I?  Why am I here?”  See..our politicians have been idiots for years!)  This was also the year John “The Teflon Boss” Gotti was sentenced to prison.  But it wasn’t only strange items…that is also the year Cartoon Network started and the Mall of America opened.

There was also a lot going on in pop-culture in 1992.  Some other great movies that came out that year include Aladdin, A Few Good Men & The Bodyguard. (Who could ever forget Whitney and Kevin making out on the big screen?  It was epic!)  On TV was Rugrats, The Jerry Spring Show, and The Ren & Stimpy Show.  (Seriously I know as soon as you read that you were singing the Happy Happy Joy Joy song.  If you don’t know that song then look it up on YouTube.  It is a classic!!). For all my tech friends it was also the year Microsoft released Windows 3.1 and Works.  Wow, what a great year!

As for the movie, it was so amazing and again I will say, timeless.  The big bad producer takes advantage of a small-time group of guys and our hero almost loses everything.  Such a tragic tale but lucky for us they provided multiple endings so you can choose the one you like the best.  How wonderful is that because depending on how you were feeling that day you could change the ending to suit your mood.  So…do you know yet?

Here are my favorite totally awesome quotes:

  • “I don’t even own *a* gun, let along many that would necessitate an entire rack”
  • “Get the net!”
  • “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries”
  • “Hi. I’m in Delaware”

How about some rocking songs from it:

  • Feed My Frankenstein
  • Ride With Yourself
  • Why You Wanna Break My Heart

OK…I’m sure you know it now.   If not all I can say is “Party on Wayne!  Party on Garth!”  Yes, it is WAYNE’S WORLD!!  Love that movie and I always will.  When we watched it we were playing our drumsticks and air guitars while quoting along with the movie.  If you haven’t seen it I suggest you do but don’t go into it expecting a cinematic masterpiece…just something fun and easy.  Also, don’t bother with the 2nd one…it is a let down compared to the 1st.  (Sorry Mike but it is true.)  Let me know what you think of it in the comments.  Who knows I might actually be inspired to mop.  Yeah right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!!

 

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Supplies Are Fun!!

Part of my job is ordering supplies for my staff.  Most people will think it is tedious but I love it.  Mostly because I get to look through this humongous paper or digital catalog at all the different things I can order.  For someone who likes colorful things and the thought of being organized it is like being a kid in a candy shop. Unless it is a big dollar purchase or furniture I can order almost anything.  The best part is that I don’t have to pay for any of it because it is all stuff for my office.  Plus if I get it and it doesn’t really do what I thought it would do or I’m not going to use it I can return it very easily without having to leave my desk.  This is a shoppers dream!!

When I order supplies online they are usually delivered the next business day to the mail room (a magical place…just ask Buddy the Elf).  They put it on a cart and deliver it right to my desk.  It’s like Christmas except that I know what is inside, but not always.  Occasionally they mess up but returns are easy too plus I get to go down to the mail room to ship it back.  (Our mail room doesn’t look the one in Elf at all.  There are no pipes to send the mail up and there are no bins that the staff can lie around in and drink out of a flask. Ours is definitely not the magical one either.)

Here is a list of my favorite items:

  • Binder clips in multiple sizes and in multiple colors. This is important because if I am putting together a packet of stuff I like to use the same color through the packet so it is beautiful and color coordinated.  Plus my boss HATES paperclips so I keep a lot of these on hand.
  • Post-it notes. I have 2 dispensers on my desk because one is my colorful, fun one and the other is ruled like a piece of paper.  You may ask why I need both and my answer is simple.  I just like them plus they serve 2 functions.  If I want to be playful or relaxed I use the colorful ones but if I am being serious I use the ruled ones.  It’s just my way of expressing my emotions.
  • Paper clips are also fun for me. I have metal and plastic ones in a couple of different sizes.  The metal ones are really for one person in my group because they like those.  I love my plastic ones because they are colorful (sensing a trend yet).  Plus I’m the only one on my floor who uses them so when I see them on someone else’s desk I know they have been into my stash.  (Bad people stealing my supplies…I know secretly they want to be like me but that is a bad idea.  As my family would say…the world doesn’t need or deserve another Karen.)
  • Labels and my amazing Label Writer. This is a must-have for my desk and my current one is a “Twin Turbo” so I can have 2 different types of labels in the machine at one time.  It’s an organizers dream.  Currently, I have file folder and address sized labels in the machine but if you look in my cabinet you will see that I have 7 other different sizes available because you never know when you might something different.  Like a badge-sized label or a non-adhesive hanging file tab.  (In will say that I have used the badge label for some things but never for badges…because we don’t need no stinking badges!!)

As I’m writing this I realized that I need to order supplies for my daughter since school starts in a couple of weeks.  I looked at the list and realized that this isn’t fun at all and I know why.  First, I have to pay for this stuff…ugh!!  Second, she is going to want input…double ugh!! Last, I’m going to have to pick it up…NOOOO!!!  I hate going into stores.  Even if it is just to pick up something I ordered and don’t have to actually shop for it.  I just hate the noise, people, trying to find a parking place, etc.  Then if anything has to be returned I feel like it is the same as a walk of death.  More noise, more people and having to explain why I don’t like it…pain in the butt!!  When I have to return something usually one of three things will happen.  Either I will do it myself, beg someone else in the family to do it or (which happens very often) I will just put it away somewhere so I can forget about it.  What is the saying??  “Out of sight.  Out of mind.”  (Lucky for me the out of mind part happens very easily thanks to my dementia.)  My husband is constantly finding items and asking why I kept it and not returned it.  He just doesn’t understand how bad the walk of death is for me but then again he never offered to do it for me either so maybe he does understand how bad it is and doesn’t want to do it himself.  (Hmmm…something to ponder.)

So the next time you need a pick me up ask your office if you can order the supplies and you will see what a blissful experience it can be.  Plus you might even be able to order a mop but don’t bother sending me one because as you can tell from the name of this blog….I Don’t Mop!

 

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What Is Happening To My Brain?

First, let me say that I am sorry for being gone for so long.  As I am going to explain something big happened and it changed everything for me.

A while ago I started having issues remembering things especially short term but even some long term.  This was more than just walking into a room and forgetting why I came into the room.  This was forgetting that just a few minutes ago I had taken my meds and then tried to take them again.  Not being able to complete a sentence because I just lost my train of thought and then when I do remember not remembering what words to use. That was a big issue when I was at work because there is nothing like being in the middle of the conversation with your boss and team and then suddenly losing your place and not being able to continue at all.  It is mortifying and scary.

So after a bunch of scans, tests and other great things it turns out I have been having invisible strokes.  That means that at the age of 45 I have been officially diagnosed with vascular dementia.  Seriously…at 45!  Now at first I was happy to finally know what was wrong and having a name for it.  Then it hit me that this is life changing and I broke down.  Now I have decided to try and see the bright side of this.  So I made a list:

  1. I have a good excuse when I yell my daughter’s names and keep calling the wrong one.
  2. When I start to go upstairs and my husband asks me to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer but by the time I get up there I end up walking into my bedroom and reading instead. Sometime later he will come in and ask about the laundry and I guess my face shows that I have no idea what he is talking about.  He is nice about it but I can see the frustration.
  3. When I have to tell someone about another person but I can’t remember who it is we play Guess Who until we figure it out. Example:  You know..that tall lady….brown hair…works on the 9th floor…etc.
  4. My husband can now track me on my GPS when I get lost. Yes, I do get lost but usually, it is in the car and thank goodness I have the Waze app.
  5. When we watch a movie for the 2nd or 3rd times I still get surprised by things and even the ending (sometimes). I can remember the plot and the characters but not much of the actual movie. Thinking about it I might make a good movie critic for the studios to use because I would think it was great even if I couldn’t remember it.  (Yes I am available for the job if Disney, Universal, etc want to hire me)
  6. You see people you cannot remember ever meeting but they know you so it is like starting new relationships. I had this happen with someone I work with but I only see every few months in-person so when they come in I am so excited to meet them again.

As you can imagine every day is something new and an adjustment to my life.  I’m determined to get back on here and blog about all the funny things that happen which hopefully are even funnier with the dementia aspect added in.  So..keep up with me please, share my pages and my posts.  Looks like my messy life is about to get even messier and before you even ask that does not mean I will mop!

Crazy Commuter Karaoke on the Highway of Hell

As I told you about in a previous post I get to drive on Route 66 which can only be described as the Highway of Hell (HoH).  It is a highway with a lot of stop and go traffic that never seems to end.  I know everyone has their own HoH but my area is in the top 2 of the highest level of traffic for almost every survey in the US.  Living outside of Washington, DC means that not only do you have the normal commuters on the road but the tourists too.  There is no public transportation out where I live and if I decide that I want to use the Metro system I still have to drive on the HoH to get to it so it doesn’t really help at all!

When I look at my fellow commuters there are a couple of things I have started to notice in their expressions.  They are either frustrated that this is happening to them yet again (seriously why are you still shocked) or have become resigned to the fact that this will be their life due to the lack of other alternatives.  It is a look of pure hopelessness!!  So they do things to entertain themselves like putting on make-up, texting on their phones, talking over their Bluetooth or banging on the steering wheel in frustration.  (Yes there are those that also use a lot of obscene gestures but I try to ignore them.)

For me, I take that time to do one of the many things I love to do…Commuter Karaoke!!  It is my way of dealing with the stress of life while entertaining myself and those around me.  You may have seen others sing in their cars but trust me that you haven’t seen anything yet.  It is like a one-person party in my car. I just need the disco ball, lights and adult beverage to complete my vision.

Side Note:  I really wouldn’t mind a nice adult beverage during my commute but the law frowns on that in my state (and most other states too I would guess).  My afternoon commute alone necessitates at least a glass of wine or maybe a couple of tequila shots.  It is truly a nightmare and I don’t even commute as far as a lot of people I know in the area.  Now…before everyone gets all worked up saying I am condoning drinking and driving let me say right now “I AM NOT!!”  I just said it would be nice, but it is illegal so don’t try to blame me for people that are too stupid to know better.  I am barely capable of being responsible for myself and my youngest (the other 2 don’t count because they are over 18) so I don’t need the pressure of being responsible for everyone else too.  Seriously!  Grow up and handle yourself!

When I am doing Commuter Karaoke I add to the excitement by using my satellite radio instead of a playlist.  This way it is a game of chance when I just scan through the channels because I never know what song will come on.  I have channels programmed for the hits from the 1950s to today, country, classic rock, hair bands and even some comedy.  (No…I don’t try to sing to the comedians on the comedy channels but who knows what might come up on it so I keep them programmed).  What always amazes me is how often I know the lyrics to music from the 1950s (thanks to my parents) to today but yet I cannot tell you what I had for dinner last night or what day I met my husband.

Second Side Note:  My husband swears he knows when the first time we met was and also when we had our first date.  How is that possible?  I think he just randomly picked a couple of dates before our wedding date and passes them off as the actual dates.  He comes across looking like he is this amazing romantic husband for remembering while I look horrible forgetful wife for not remembering.   He will never admit this, but I am pretty sure that I am right!

I think this all goes back to my earworm susceptibility which we all know is very high.  Of all the types of music that are out there, I would have to say that 1980s Hair Bands and 1990s Pop are my favorites.  I really get moving when it is an 1980s Power Ballad.  If you were born in the 1970s or 1980s you know exactly what kind of song I am talking about because it always brings back memories.  (Hopefully good ones.)  In order for me to give such a powerful song the justice it deserves I will go full out by playing keyboards on my steering wheel, flipping my hair around with dramatic flair, using expressive voices and doing an epic air guitar solo.  It is truly a work of art and a performance of such amazingness (my new word) you cannot look away.   Seriously!!  Don’t look away!!  Please!!

I do believe that those around me on the HoH are probably thankful for the entertainment I provide every morning and afternoon.  I think that they look at me and think…”Thank God I am not in the car with that woman!” or “Wow I wish she would roll down her windows so we could both have that much fun and our own party!”  I like to think that it is the second but I am betting it is the first. In this wonderful age of technology, I feel that I am brave and selfless for doing this for all to see.  Why you ask?  I’m sure the chances of one of my fellow commuters recording me is pretty high but I don’t care because I do this for the betterment of society.  It’s not like anything else can come of it.

Last Side Note:  Let me stop and think about this for a minute.  Maybe if one of my fellow commuters puts up a recording on social media I might become an internet sensation.  I can see it all now!  That recording could lead to a book deal, talk show appearances and superstardom!  Wait…there is one thing that could ruin it all….it is if they actually want to hear me sing.  That will cause the whole entertainment cycle to come to a screeching halt…unless I can do it in the shower because we all know no one sounds bad in the shower!  Ugghh!  Let’s be real about this…having to do my Crazy Karaoke in the shower would be embarrassing for a whole different reason so that won’t work either.

So the next time you are on your own HoH (or even just waiting to pick-up the kids), turn up the radio and sing along.  That way I won’t be the only one on the road looking like the crazy person.  Also, if you happen to see me on the HoH and want to join in just let me know so we can have the windows down crazy commuter party I have always dreamed of.

 

To my readers:  Thank you so much for reading this, please share it, and ROCK ON!!